Mother Daughter RelationshipBy Francis Hosein
Mother-daughter relationship can provide a solid foundation to a girl’s healthy emotional and psychological growth.
A young girl looks up to her mother. She looks at the mirror and secretly wears her mom’s perfume and lipstick. She opens her mom’s wardrobe and wears her mom’s pretty dresses when her mom’s out at work. A young girl walks around the house in her mom’s stiletto heels against her mom’s instructions not to do so because the heels might break, or the girl might fall on the floor. Stubborn girl… all she wanted to do was to be like her mom someday.
Role model is a tough job
A mother is the role model.
Being a role model is a tough job. Especially if the one you model for is with you 24/7. You can’t hide from her. You can’t put up a fake façade. Putting out good foot forward won’t matter. The real person inside will always shows itself.
Raising a daughter is like baking cookies. You first have to determine what size and shape you want in coming up with your cookies. What qualities do you want your cookies to have? Do you want it sweet? Bitter? Hard on the outside and soft on the inside?
Lead her family
A mother’s role is to be the cookie cutter. If a mother wants her daughter to become a star someday, she first has to make sure that she is a star herself. And if she isn’t a star yet, then she should change herself to become one.
Becoming a star does not mean being rich and famous. Being a star means being excellent in what she does. She should be able to lead herself first in order to lead her family.
No clear set of expectations
A mother daughter relationship is a relationship of influence rather than control. How many mothers around the world would dictate to their daughters what to do and what to become when they grow older? On the other hand, there are some mothers who are on the opposite end of the stick. They are very lax that there are no clear set of expectations for the daughter to work within. When there are no benchmarks, there are no goals to move forward to for the daughter. When there are no parameters, any destination is just as good.
So, while a mother shouldn’t be controlling, she should also set expectations and goals for the daughter while she is still very young. Being too much of anything is bad, isn’t it?
Pattern to follow
The best way to influence the daughter towards excellence is for the mother to strive for excellence herself. Remember the example of the cookie cutter? If the mother wants her daughter to be a good artist someday, or be an excellent student in school; then the mother should invest time with her daughter and do creative things together or study together. The daughter should first see her mother thirst for knowledge, be involved passionately with her own work and lead a balanced life so that the daughter will have a pattern to follow. There is a danger though for a mother who is very engrossed with her work or friends. She might have no more time with her daughter. If the mother will not be able to spend time with the daughter, the daughter won’t be able to see all the great things that her mom has been doing. The daughter cannot follow what she cannot observe.
Learn to confide in her
A mother daughter relationship should also be a very open friendship. If a mother is able to implant in the daughter’s mind that she is her daughter’s best friend and they are able to talk a lot, the daughter will learn to confide in her about all the things that may bother her as she grows up and start to have boyfriends or problems about school or relationships. By having an open communication, a mother can help the daughter solve her questions even before those become problems. If more mother daughter relationships will have this kind of “BFF” communication, then many suicide among young girls could be prevented.
Trust and respect
A good mother daughter relationship is one that is built from trust and respect; not authority or fear. A daughter will follow her mother’s instructions out of reverence. She will follow her guidance because she trusts that her mom loves her and wants the best for her. A daughter will seek her mom’s guidance for she trusts her mom’s wisdom as evidenced by the excellence that her mom has modeled in the family.
Respect her daughter’s decisions
Trust and respect isn’t one way. A great mother-daughter relationship is when the mother can eventually learn to trust her daughter’s judgments. After all the years of empowering the daughter, a mother should understand that she doesn’t know everything. And with the proper upbringing, she should know that she has done her best and just trust and respect her daughter’s decisions in life.
Conclusion: As long as the mother daughter relationship was developed as a “BFF” relationship, the mom and daughter will continue to be Best Friends Forever.
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